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Isn't it hurt when my own body pushed me away from someone I love

It really dumped me into deepest hole, when my own body did so. 

and my confidence went worst ever

And when i close my eyes, he is still there,

with his big cheeks, which he hates while i love.

I know part of him wants this since he didn't hug me, telling me tht this isn't true

and what else i can do?

rather than making my eyes become lakes

I'm hurt, really I am.