Dear God, part 2

Age is something we can't hold or pause.

And mine keeps running

and i fear if i get no chance to taste the sweetness of love before it's too late,

when all the birds have their own homes, and i knew i got no.

Sometimes i'm afraid if my memories will be dust to you, as wind coming to you, erasing me. And you get nothing to remember.

And as i am far, i get no chance to be with you.

And as i aint Indian, i get no chance to own you. Because it is only given with the authority of your family.

And honestly i say, im afraid of wrinkles taking over my face and people will ask why you are alone. 

Dear God

The more I live, the more I'm disappointed
I feel sick.
I need to talk to someone,
or to You, God
to share what I have been fighting 
with my own self-esteem,
to love and to be loved.
Do I deserve to be?
when nothing I can be proud of.


I feel sick
I need to talk
to someone
to just listen to me
and to understand how hard to be me,
to be a victim,
to lose self-esteem
to love and to be loved. 

Twenty two...

Twenty two, twenty two.....

an age when I'm no longer being called a little girl.
an age when a new stage is coming, a marriage, where many of my friends have already been in.

but every time Mom said, "don't be lazy, otherwise, ur kids will be lazy like u", I always said to myself "I'm not gonna get married".

Something that I was always dreaming about for the entire life, has vanished.


And I repeat again, whether fear or shame.

But it says so, pictures of past always have impact in pictures of future.

Past in Present

Why am I become like this?
Why did past treat me so bad?


Truly, what I wanted badly is now out of my mind,
a marriage happens in my life


Whether hopeless, fear, or pain made me so.


So, I just want to say all of these, words that would never be spoken out to people.


Whether fear or shame...
But the pain is still here, in my heart, my soul, my mind
in every drop of my blood flowing in my body.

Not Gonna Make It

I realize, I'm not gonna make it.
We are not gonna make it.
He failed to stand and tell them that he wants me.

If so, next, how will he say that he wants to take me as her wife to them?
I guess that will be impossible.

I'm hopeless.
I give up.

To the Only and the Last Hope

To the only and the last hope
of tasting what love is
of having a marriage

Taste of love, blend of sweet, sour and bitter
I do enjoy them, the moments with him
Whether it's sweet or sour, or even bitter.
Because I love him, I need him

And whether or not our love will come into a marriage
He will always be the one.

What A Traditional Practice! (Arranged Marriage)

I still remember, few days ago my friend and I were sharing how hard having this kind of relationship.

That time I eagerly said, "No matter what will happen, I will enjoy every moment with him"

But now, how could i do that if i know that, there, million mills from me, his mom is looking for a girl for him?

It feels like...

Like suddenly weather gets so cold

Like Im gonna be easily thrown away by wind

It feels like...

hurt

sooner or later he is gonna be other's